she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
