So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
