can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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