Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
