So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
