just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
