he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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