The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
