I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
