Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
