Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
