I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
