2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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