I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
