Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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