You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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