I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize