You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
