Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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