i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Text me some of your sweat
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
