Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize