I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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