So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
