I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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