I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
