you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
