My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
