This is not my ceiling
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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