yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
