i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
