I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My pussy is not your playground.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
