You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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