I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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