i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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