omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
