I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
