dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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