1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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