I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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