I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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