Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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