I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
