I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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