I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
