And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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