She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
