u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm always down for nudity.
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