I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
