a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize