yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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