i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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