pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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