So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
