were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
