I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
