some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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