you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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