I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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