This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
