im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
