those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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