By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
