wat bout pragnant strippers??
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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