how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
