Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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