I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As shirtless as possible
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
