names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
