i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
