Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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