sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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