The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
