Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
